I Can't Lose You
by Ralph E. Silvering
Summary: Set immediately after the events of 2x03.


**Disclaimer: I own nothing from **_**Nikita. **_**This is a one-shot set after the events of 2x03. That episode was magnificent wasn't it? Completely epic. It's become my absolute favorite after 1x17. Maggie and Shane nailed that last scene, especially Maggie. When she started crying, after she thought she'd lost Michael, I tried desperately not to cry. Really great acting. I will **_**try**_** to update "Over and Over Again" next and I really apologize about the wait. I had tons of excuses – which I'm sure no one wants to hear. And after that maybe a Michael/Birkhoff fanfic; those two are so cute together. Is Birkhoff's place in NY or NJ? I forget.**

**Oh and as you might have noticed, I think Shane's/Michael's voice is totally sexy so there's a lot of Michael's deep voice in all my steamy fics. I apologize for nothing.**

**Rated M**

_I can't lose you_

_Nikita refused to let go of him._

_Michael kept one arm loosely around her shoulders as he told Birkhoff they'd see him in several days._

"_Some R and R, huh?" Birkhoff asked, seeming more subdued than normal._

"_I think we've earned it, after this." Michael told him, looking down at the top of Nikita's head which was resting just under his chin, her arms tight around his waist.___

"_Totally man. Hey, listen, you two enjoy yourselves." Pause. "Don't do anything I wouldn't do." Birkhoff was starting to sound more like himself. _

_Michael rolled his eyes and heard Nikita snort. "We'll keep that in mind." His gravelly voice perfectly carried the sarcasm to Birkhoff's computer speakers in upstate New York._

"_No, but seriously, I'm glad you guys are okay."_

"_You'd be completely bored without us in your lives, Nerd, like I said." Nikita was making a valiant effort at nonchalant and teasing. Michael wasn't sure if Birhoff noticed, but he did. His arm tightened around her a little more._

_Her voice choked and she trailed off the end of her sentence._

_There was a moment of silence between the three of them._

_Michael broke it. "We'll contact you in a couple days. The emergency channel's still open."_

"_Will do." Birkhoff signed off._

_Michael gently tugged Nikita's arm pulling her around to face him. He ran his fingers over her beloved features, the soot and tear-tracks on her face not taking away from her beauty in the slightest. Her hands came up to hold his palm to her cheek._

_He pulled her closer and rested his forehead against hers, closing his eyes and just listened to her breathing. "How are you doing?" he asked her._

_She shifted a bit under him. "I'm fine."_

_He didn't believe her._

"_Nikita."_

_She shut him up by the simple expedient of kissing him. His arms instantly encircling her, she stood high on her tip-toes so she could run her fingers through his hair. Michael smiled a bit through the kiss. She always seemed to find comfort in touching his face or his hair. It might have been the fact that she had had so little love and so much loneliness in her short life, but Nikita was the most tactile person he knew._

_His thoughts were abruptly derailed as she pressed fully against him, every inch of her slender, lithe form touching his. He was rapidly coming down from the adrenaline high he'd been on now that the danger had passed and they were both safe, and another kind of high was taking its place._

_His hands, comfortingly placed upon her back, found their way beneath her jacket and shirt, stroking the soft skin underneath. Goosebumps instantly appeared at his touch. Nikita inhaled sharply and reflexively jerked towards him._

_He grunted a bit before reaching down and hoisting her up around him, her legs holding tight around his waist in a moment of déjà vu for both of them as it came back in a flash how near they'd come to losing one another._

_Nikita bent down over Michael, her hair a curtain around them both as she frantically kissed every inch of his lips, her fingers skimming rapidly over the scruff on his cheeks, the tips of his ears and then once again through his hair._

_She pushed back against him a little, and Michael got the message quickly. He lay back down on the grass, small fires from the recently destroyed building lit like angry, red candles around them. Her slender fingers under his shirt, skimming his chest, her lips leaving a trail of kisses up his neck, over his lips, his nose, his closed eyelids, when she finally strayed lower Michael wrapped her tightly in his arms and flipped them both over in one quick movement, watching with satisfaction as her brown hair splayed out over the dark green grass._

_Michael rested his cheek against hers. They were both panting._

"_Not here," he rasped, his voice going through her like a shot. She loved his voice. Nikita realized her thoughts were scattering quickly – she was still shaken from the shock she'd had today – but she didn't care so long as she could hold Michael to her, his body sheltering her from everything._

"_Birkhoff's probably still watching."_

"_And who knows what floats Amanda's boat," Nikita agreed, her voice only a murmur against his skin._

_Michael grimaced at the thought before getting up and pulling Nikita up after him. She threaded her fingers tightly through his as they made their way over to the discarded motorcycle. He could feel the tingle where their skin touched._

_He needed her desperately._

_Michael offered to drive and regretted it all during their quick trip further south. Nikita's arms around his waist, her warmth against his back, her breath ghosting over his ear; it was driving him mad._

_He pulled into the first remote hotel that he found. The room was little more than a box with a tiny closet of a bathroom and an even smaller shower._

_They were dirty, grimy and terribly strung-out. _

_And as soon as the door was closed behind them Nikita was pulling Michael's shirt up over his head._

_Her hands at his belt, his pulling at the clasps of her bra, he pushed her back against the wall – the dull 'thud' the only sound apart from their heavy breathing._

_Michael was standing so close, his arms supporting his weight as he leaned over her, his bare chest inches from her, his eyes dark with lust as he perused her body._

_Nikita felt her hands rise of their own volition, as she skimmed them over his chest delighting in the shiver that shook him at her touch. She had almost lost this forever. She had almost lost him._

_As if that was the catalyst her hands clenched hard under Michael's arms and around his shoulder blades. Pulling him roughly against she tilted her head, just needing his lips on hers, just needing the feel of him all over her._

_He met her eagerly their lips meeting and parting, tongues tangling, hands crudely ripping off clothing and discarding it around the room as they stumbled backwards through the bathroom door and into the shower._

_Michael banged his toe and Nikita scraped one of her elbows as they maneuvered in the small space and finally Michael solved their dilemma by simply picking her up in his arms and walking them both under the warm water cascading from above._

_Water streaming over and around them, Nikita could feel Michael's erection, hard and insistent against her ass. She wriggled a bit, panting and wanting him inside her. She felt Michael's small chuckle at her impatience and bit his lip none-too-gently in retaliation, causing him to groan and his arms to tighten around her._

_Nikita leaned back against the wall as Michael followed her, his lips leaving hers as he kissed along her neck, one hand leaving her back to run along her breasts._

"_Michael," she said breathlessly, her neck arching, dark wet hair cascading off her shoulders, as he moved along her skin. "Enough teasing." He gently pinched the nipple he'd been playing with. Nikita gave a little cry, her head shooting back and hitting the wall and her hands losing their grip on his shoulders._

_Michael spent a split second just staring at her, beautiful and naked and wet, in his arms and then he moved his hand up between her breasts, up to the back of her head which he gently cradled before bringing her lips back down to his._

_She kissed him back for a second, her tongue tracing the outline of his lips before she moved her mouth over to his left ear. "No more teasing," she whispered, loving the way his eyes fluttered closed at the feel of her breath on his skin. She wrapped her legs ever more tightly around him before raising herself up and unerringly taking him inside her._

_For a second they were both frozen at the sensation, the knowledge that never got old that they finally had each other. And then they were both moving, breath mingling, lips and hands trying to reach every available inch of skin, the warm water washing away the dirt and pain and fear as Nikita finally took in the fact that Michael was still with her, that he wasn't going anywhere – that she was not alone._

_As they lay in bed that night Michael couldn't seem to stop kissing her. She lay entangled in his arms, clothing still a non-essential and no barriers between them as she continually ran her hand over his face and through his hair, the fingers of her other hand intertwined with his._

_He fell asleep like that, to the feel of her all around him._

_When he woke it was still dark and Nikita's head was resting on his chest with one hand still in his. But her tears were silently and continually running down her cheeks and onto his skin as she cried. She was trying to stifle them, trying not to wake him, and for a moment a terrible pain gripped Michael's heart as he imagined her all alone, trying to keep going after his death._

_He knew exactly how empty she would feel, and the pain that would never really leave her but would eventually start to consume every moment of her life._

"_Hey, hey," he crooned softly, his free hand coming up to gently push the hair back from her face. He tugged her up until her head rested under his chin and then he wrapped her tightly in his arms. "I'm still here," he told her, his deep voice a wonderful vibration against her body. "I'm still here."_

_They went to Barbados, just like Nikita had wanted._

_Lying in the warm sands, tropical breezes and cool alcoholic beverages near-to-hand, Nikita could almost pretend that they were an ordinary couple here on a vacation from everyday life. She spent hours just lying in the sun, Michael – somewhat grudgingly – at her side._

_She tanned. Michael burned._

_He didn't complain so much after she spent that night rubbing aloe vera lotion on him though._

_She even got him to both do Yoga with her and to dance with her. And he wasn't even doing it to maintain their 'cover' as they were here just as themselves. She never thought she'd live to see that day._

_They were leaving all too soon._

_The night before they were due to fly out, Nikita slightly rose from Michael's arms and walked outside onto the beach. The bungalows on all sides of them were dark, their inhabitants sound asleep, and a beautiful full moon shone down upon her._

_Feeling somewhat daring she stripped off her tang-top and shorts and edged slowly into the warm water. She swam some ways out, delighting in the feel of the water over her skin. She paused, treading water and watching the huge, pale moon as it hovered – full and glorious – above the ocean. The stars that were able to shine through the moon's glow shimmered in the waves around her._

_And then she felt a presence behind her, swiftly followed by strong arms and a masculine body pressed against her. She relaxed in Michael's grasp before turning and facing him, wrapping her arms around his shoulders and resting her cheek against his._

"_You followed me."_

"_From the second you left my arms," he agreed._

_Nikita laughed. "And didn't feel the need to reveal yourself before now? Obviously you watched me strip down by the water then."_

"_And a glorious sight it was."_

_She laughed again. "Too bad I missed your little strip-tease," she said, playfully. Her knee moved infinitesimally to illustrate her point._

_Michael's voice was suddenly husky. "However can I make it up to you?" he teased back._

"_Oh, I'm sure you'll think of a way," Nikita murmured before capturing his lips in hers._

_It was a bit tricky, floating and kissing and hands moving over bare skin, all with the warm night air around them and the pale moon above them. The water was only knee-height when Nikita wrapped her legs around him and rocked hard, her warm, wet center rubbing against him._

_Michael's legs buckled, one arm supporting her back the other gripping her head to him. He groaned and his voice sent desire curling through Nikita's stomach. "Oh god," she murmured. She could never get enough of this man._

_He slid under her and then he was pressing so close, breaths of air panting against her neck. She was wet and aching and she wasn't sure she'd survive much longer. _

_She rubbed her ass against his erection, the sudden hiss of air from his lips and the closing of his eyes a delicious reward. And then she ground down against him. Hard._

_Michael's hands dug painfully into her back, but she didn't notice as she watched him fight to maintain control as hard as he could._

_She moved again, preparing to rock her hips forward once more and relishing the chance to watch him come undone, but he moved fast and fluid._

_Flipping her over under him he entered her in one, swift movement. Nikita rose to meet him, her thighs clenching around him, in one perfect moment. And then he was gone, spiraling down in ecstasy, shuddering around her, and then thrusting even deeper, hitting that spot she'd been aching for him to reach._

_And then there was only the sound of panting breaths and slow kisses underneath the moonlit sky, with the waves murmuring all around them._

_The End_

**You might have noticed the water theme going on. Water is rebirth and renewal and I liked the symbolism, somewhat overused though it generally is. **


End file.
